When Dad Was Sick – Part Three

2015-02-06 22.14.14 (4)I will look into assisted living as soon as I have a car, just to have done it.  I got some forms from that attorney’s office, but I haven’t looked at them too closely yet. 

If Dad can get to the new oncologist on the 17th, and based on what he says, then maybe I will pursue it.  I don’t have a car.  I could walk down to the library I guess and see if there’s a computer there I can use and see if I can get my e-mail, but I can’t really leave Dad here alone with Mom in case he needs pain med.  I’m in no hurry.  I don’t really care.  Most of my e-mail will be shit from Ninclink and Samhain.  Amazing what you can learn to do without. 

I had a habit of constantly checking my e-mail when I was at home and now who cares?  I haven’t read any of the books I brought that weighed down my suitcase.  I’ve been doing crossword puzzles a lot.  I think it’s a concentration issue.  Or maybe the book I started just isn’t catching my interest and I’m avoiding going back to it. 


Dani and Cody went to Eureka Springs Friday and stayed overnight.  Mom was not happy about that but too bad for her.  She wanted to know what I thought about it and I said I think Dani is 21 and it’s her life.  Mom said, “I know how old she is.  I sure hope you’ve had lots of talks with her.”  And off she went in a huff back to bed.  She seems to have forgotten that Dani is the same person she was before she decided to spend the night in Eureka Springs.  She’s the same person who’s been helping Mom and taking care of Dad for the past several weeks. 

2014-08-22 06.13.18

Dani and Me


Besides, you’d think my mother would have bigger fish to fry.  I don’t think much else happened on Saturday.  I guess Francis and Jean stopped by again to see Dad.  He sat up for quite awhile when they were here and kept his oxygen on.  Yesterday (Sunday) Clem and Lenore came by and he sat up while they were here, too.  Dad took morphine drops about every 2 hours like clockwork yesterday.  Today he seems to be trying not to take so much.  His bowels are not moving at all in spite of doubling up on ducosate and giving him milk of magnesia in coffee the last two mornings.  He eats prunes and bran flakes every morning.  I think he feels like he has to go but doesn’t or can’t.  But he’s peeing okay. 

Tanya came early this afternoon and gave Dad a shower and shave and he looked good when she got done with him.  Then he went back to bed.  His legs have been giving him trouble but he’s in bed so much he’s probably losing muscle tone I imagine.  He’s been using the oxygen quite a bit 

Yesterday we went to church and Loretta went with us.  I talked to Cheryl a bit and went to see her son Joe’s grave.  He died a year ago July 7th.  Very sad.  She said he had alcohol problems they weren’t aware of. 

Then we went to Marla’s and got lunch.  Marla is Loretta’s granddaughter.  Dad did not feel like eating his lunch, but then he came out later and had some of it, but didn’t eat it all.  Then he had ice cream I think.  Dani made a cake and I frosted it while she and Cody went to the movies again.  Dad had some salad and peaches and then he had cake and ice cream for dinner.  I guess he slept okay as Mom said she never heard him get up and she slept through the night.  So did I and so did Dani, and, I presume, Cody and Fleuree did as well.  

I talked to Chris Saturday night.  He is coming up the week of July 14th which is good because then he can go to that dr. appt. if Dad is able to go.  And Kevin should go, also. 

Mom won’t have Kevin’s brand new washer and dryer here.  She’d rather keep her old set, so he’s not going to push it.   

Talked to Sue yesterday.  Maybe she will come here July the 4th weekend.  She’s going to try to work that out, but didn’t know about getting time off. 

I talked to Bill last night.  He had gone out with Matt and Brittany for dinner on Sunday for his birthday.  Seemed to enjoy that.  I told him I think I’ll be back on the 11th.  I called Keith today and told him that as well.  That’s my plan.  I hope I can get Kevin moved in here and sort of settled by then.  Well, maybe Chris can do that while he’s here. 

The chaplain came by on Friday.  His name is Dana.  I tried to stay out of the way but then he wanted to talk to me before he left.  After he left Mom said, “I hope you didn’t tell him about our conversation in the garage the other day.”  Duh.  No.  Why would I?  She still doesn’t seem to grasp that this isn’t about her.  It’s about Dad. 

Dana was talking to them about their marriage.  He said something to Dad about being happily married or something.  Dad didn’t say anything for a little while and then he said he didn’t know because he didn’t have anything to compare it to.  He asked about Dad’s relationship with God and Dad said it was fine as far as he knew.  The guy was preaching to the choir about faith.  Dad told him he was a cradle Catholic which Dana had never heard the term before.  

He asked me what I thought about how they were handling it.  Frankly I’m not sure Dad is aware of what’s going on, how much he follows or remembers.  And maybe Mom is in denial still, back in Betty Jean Land where everything is “fine.”  I haven’t got a clue.  When Dad expresses frustration over his memory lapses I tell him it’s because he’s sick and he’s taking a lot of pain medicine.  He’s been sleeping a lot the past day or two.  Sometimes you get glimpses of his old self, but it’s rare.  Like today he laughed about something to do with Fleuree, she wouldn’t move out of the way so I nudged her.  He looked really nice when he got out of the shower, clean and shaved.  Tanya talks up a storm while she’s here. 

Tanya says she doesn’t trust anybody in Sarcoxie who could help us and we should rely on our family.  I’d prefer to pay someone but I guess that’s impossible.  Why don’t people want to work around here?  What’s wrong with paying someone for services rendered?  I don’t get it.  Must be a cultural thing.  Maybe it’s that we have no family we can ask to help us when we need it so we’re used to paying for professional help.  God forbid you should reimburse people who take their valuable time to assist you.

#caregivers #hospice #parents


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