Ever since my publisher announced it was “winding down” its business, I’ve been in a bit of a funk. A freefall funk. Just as I thought finally I’m climbing, I’m achieving, I’ve got a team to back me—I’m back on my own wondering, what the heck do I do now? I’m old. I’m tired. I’m not a techie genius. The thought of self-publishing, not only my back list, but my new stuff is daunting.
When you arrive at a certain “age and stage” as my mother-in-law used to say, you can’t help but reflect on what you’ve accomplished or not accomplished with this gift of life you were given.
I wish I could say I ever had a goal, a plan, a dream, a vision, even some vague idea of what I wanted to do with my life or how I thought it would be. But I never did. I still don’t. I excel at being content (or maybe not so content as it turns out) with whatever comes my way.
I drifted from an early age. Into jobs. Relationships. Marriage. Motherhood. Writing. I took what came and made the best of it. Sure I wanted to write and I did. Sure I wanted to be published and I did. Eventually. Sales? Who cares? Someone wants to publish my book! That was enough for me.
So what, I’ve been asking myself lately, have I accomplished with my life? I have no degree. No career unless “professional barista” counts. I have some published books to my credit (but please don’t look at my sales numbers or author ranking).
The only thing I can point to that maybe I did successfully, is my son and my daughter. Maybe I was an okay mother and with my husband’s help, we somehow (without a plan) raised two successful people. They are gainfully employed and self-supporting and have the kind of work ethic that makes a mother proud. Both have college degrees to their credit. They are in successful relationships. Maybe…they even have some kind of plan, goals, dreams for their futures. And, not only are they are still speaking to me, they are two of my best friends.
So what if “bestselling author” isn’t part of my resume? If raising two great kids is what I was meant to accomplish with my life, I am more than okay with that.
P.S. I hope they’re still speaking to me after they see the pictures I chose. If not, they need to get together and take another one for me to use next time.