I spent time today going back through my journals from the past few years.  If any of you have been following the MY VEIN, MY BLOOD thread and missed the opening explanation, that’s what those posts are from.  Excerpts from my personal journey through life and writing and trying to understand.

 Some of you who know me may see yourselves referenced in those pages.  Some of you may be offended or mildly amused.  Sometimes, I will feel it necessary to delete specifics, mostly because it isn’t important or to protect my privacy or someone else’s.

 You may find it confusing at times, because I use initials instead of names.  It seems a lot of people in my life have the same initial.  Maybe I will try to make those entries easier to read by using a middle initial or something in the future to differentiate between the players.

 I started posting from one notebook I chose at random, and I’m nearing the end of the entries on the front side of the pages.  As you may recall, I only wrote on one side of the page, and then I decided I should save paper and use the back side of the notebook pages as well.  For that reason, the notebooks themselves are not in chronological order, and so my blog journal entries won’t be either.  I also don’t want to get too close to the current day in my posts.

 It’s important for my readers to understand that the entries I post reflect where I was at that point in time.  In my head, in my life, on my spiritual path.  And also where I was in that actual moment while I was writing those pages.  As we all know, our thoughts and emotions are in a constant state of flux, and I’m sure if you read enough of these, you’ll see how true that is.

 I’ve been posting from my journal for a few weeks now and I’m still not convinced of the wisdom of this idea.  But rather than creatively drain myself trying to blog anew each day, I’m going to continue with this.  As I mentioned in my previous disclaimer post, I don’t think anyone’s reading it anyway, or very few individuals are.  I’ll assume whoever is reading it, whether it’s one or a hundred people a day, those are the individuals who are supposed to be reading it.  Maybe there’s a message in those lines just for them.  Maybe there’s a message from them to me.

 As always, I have more questions than answers.  I wouldn’t be surprised if you do, too.

September 29, 2009

My Vein, My Blood #20 means I’ve reached the end of the first half (front side) of the first journal that began on Wednesday 10-8 or 9-03 (My Vein, My Blood #1).

There have been moments when I cringed as I translated what is in my journal to text in a Word file and copied it to my blog.  Do I really want to reveal the crazy thoughts that go through my head?  I can see along the way where some of my journal entries were influenced by books I read (Write It Down, Make It Happen, for example).  The Secret  DVD.  Anything that might give me new insights, make me look at life in a different way, anything that pushes me to grow or carries me along on my journey.  Lately, I’ve been reading the Bible.  A verse or two a day.

 My posts may not make much sense to anyone else, but if you want to know what it’s like to be me, there it is.

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