I’m Hungry. But am I hungry?

The Write to Right, Form vs. Formula, 5 circumstances in which you could use your writing. Out of the 5 I came up with, I chose #5:

“I could write about how hard it is to fast.”

Because I’m fasting today I’m going to write about it. Soon after I have my morning coffee (after walking/walking dogs) I usually say, “I’m hungry.”

But am I hungry?

Or do I just like the routine of eating? Something warm and pleasurable like toasted sourdough with butter and honey. Or yogurt with raspberries and granola.

Then once I eat I want to keep eating. It opens the door and I start thinking of all the good food or snacks I could and would enjoy.

But am I really hungry?

I often tell myself, “No, you’re not that hungry.” I think of people who are truly hungry — starving, in fact, and I know my first-world “hunger” is a lie I tell myself because I enjoy eating. Or to avoid writing. Then I set myself up to eat hen I’m not hungry for the rest of the day. And the next and the next.

It’s easier to fast if I’m not at home.

And if I can not eat all morning I can get through the afternoon without too much of a struggle. But shouldn’t it BE A STRUGGLE?

I’ve only ever done a 24-hour fast. Could I do 36? Or 48? Or longer?

Usually I’ll drink hot tea in the afternoon. Liquids I allow myself. If Kerry were here she’d encourage me because she used to fast. I was trying to do it once a week. Was that for Lent? I don’t remember. I haven’t even thought about it for a long time until today. I didn’t eat first thing. Ran errands. Visited Nadine in the hospital. (Heard God’s “voice”). Came to get my mark out and iced tea at Starbucks. Decided if I forgo the muffin I usually get I’d be fasting.

So I have to make fasting easy on myself.

and then I’ll do it. I’m not sure this is the kind of sacrifice that pleases God.