Rewriting the Blurb

In my alter ego world writing as AJ Tillock I published The Forbidden Bean, Book One of a series entitled GRINDING REALITY. One thing I am not good at is writing blurbs, so I enlisted the help of a professional blurb writer. Below are the various versions of: my blurb, hers, then a couple of possible refinements to hers. I would love to know what you think. Which is better? Is there anything you’d add? Change? Subtract? I’ll give away a digital copy of THE FORBIDDEN BEAN to one lucky commenter during the month of February 2016. Thanks for your help!

  1. My original blurbajtillock2013 018

The Bean is…Magical…Addictive…Forbidden 

When lifelong misfit and coffee store manager Tee Rutledge investigates a hidden bag of coffee beans, she disregards the warning label and accidentally swallows one.  Consumption of the bean temporarily transports most of her thinking, rational self into the body of an insect, but just enough of her is left behind to allow operation of her human body on auto-pilot.  Her existence becomes wildly complicated because once she is whole again she has no memory of her behavior as a human during that time. 

While Tee temporarily inhabits the body of a fly, a cockroach or a spider, she inadvertently flies under the radar of her fellow humans and unwittingly becomes privy to dangerous knowledge she otherwise would not have but which compels her unwillingly into heroic action. 

Soon she is on the trail of a ragtag group of Eastern Europeans involved in gun-running and human trafficking; her long absent father walks back into her life to warn her away from pursuing them; and a serial killer feels the sting of her unique brand of justice. 

Addicted to the magic beans but also teetering on the edge of sanity, Tee begins to embrace the power she discovers within herself as well as the undaunted courage of her superhero alter ego

2) NEW BLURB 

A forbidden bean.  One taste.  A chance to see it all. 

Lifelong misfit and cafe manager Tee Rutledge would love to be a “fly on the wall” and know all the details of things she’s just not privy to.  But when she takes a small taste of a forbidden coffee bean, she gets her wish–and then some. 

Without warning, Tee takes on the entity of small insects and finds herself battling crimes and wrongdoings that she never imagined. The once ordinary Tee now must battle extraordinary wars–wars that just might get her killed. The thrill is exhilarating and addicting as each taste of the bean gives her the undaunted courage of a superhero. But will Tee’s power trip take her too far? 

3) My adjustment to #2

A forbidden bean.  One taste.  A chance to see it all.

Lifelong misfit and cafe manager Tee Rutledge would love to be a “fly on the wall” and know all the details of things she’s just not privy to.  But when she takes a small taste of a forbidden coffee bean, she gets her wish–and then some…

Without warning, Tee takes on the entity of small insects and finds herself knowing more than she bargained for.  Returning to her human self, Tee begins fighting crimes and wrongdoings that she never imagined.  Combine gun smugglers with human-trafficking and the once ordinary Tee now must battle extraordinary wars–wars that just might get her killed.  The thrill is exhilarating and addicting as each forbidden bean gives her the undaunted courage of a superhero. But will Tee’s power trip take her too far?  

4) My Further Refinement

A forbidden bean.  One taste.  A chance to see it all.

Lifelong misfit and cafe manager Tee Rutledge would love to be a “fly on the wall” and learn all kinds of things she shouldn’t.  But when she tastes a forbidden coffee bean, she gets her wish–and then some…

Without warning, Tee temporarily takes on the entities of small insects and finds herself knowing much more than she bargained for.  Returning to her human self, Tee begins fighting crimes and battling injustice in ways she never imagined. 

Gun smugglers and human-traffickers take notice of the once insignificant Tee poking her nose in their business and it might just get her killed.  The thrill is exhilarating and addicting as each forbidden bean gives her the undaunted courage of a superhero. But will Tee’s power trip take her too far? 

 

finalGRcover

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#coffee #tobeapartner #fantasy #book #blurbs

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