My Vein, My Blood – 15

2-26-05:

I have this fuzzy story idea.  Oh, yes, another one!  It’s about 2 brothers.  But one has just died(?)  The other one has just come home from 8 years in the army, to find brother’s widow in the family home!  A farm?  Story is relationship between these two.  Or maybe Bro. #1 came home before Bro. #2 died.  There’s a secret Bro. #1 knows about Bro. #2 that wife didn’t/doesn’t know.  Bro. # 1 doesn’t want her to find out and destroy her illusions of Bro. #2.  He wants to protect her.  Misuse of land?  Letting someone run a meth lab on his property and taking cut of profits?  Farm going to hell cuz he’s too lazy or inept to run it?  Bro. #1 finds out about meth lab, tells people running it to get off his property.  They want same deal w/him they had w/Bro. #2, but he says no and threatens to go to sheriff.  They beat him up maybe?  Or run him off road.  Why does he want to protect her?  She’s pregnant or recently miscarried?  Grief stricken?  Doesn’t want to kick her when she’s down.  Maybe that’s why he’s sitting by her bed.  Well, the scene in my head is she miscarries after and he sort of witnesses it/helps her through it, much to her dismay—maybe its his fault she couldn’t get to dr.  And maybe there’s a reason he can’t get criminals off his land.  Something to do w/her?  How could this hurt her?  Conflict between them?  Small town.  Family feud?  Her older sister jilted him.  Used him.  Ran off w/his best friend?  And he assumes she’s just like her and was using his brother in some way.  But she’s nothing like her sister—or maybe half-sister.  But he doesn’t know that.  She could look like a femme fatale, but she’s really shy and sweet, brainy and deep.  Writes poetry.  Likes to cook.  All the assumptions he’s made about her are wrong.  But he doesn’t want to be attracted to her.  Can there be something about her marriage she doesn’t want him to know about his brother?  He cheated on her or had an addiction problem.  She doesn’t want to destroy his illusions of his little brother.  His life is threatened.  If farm doesn’t succeed they/he will lose it.  Guy who’s running meth lab/threatens

5-7?-06: Sun.

I am tired of being the go-to person to plan meals and get them on the table all the time.  I hate it.  But when I don’t do it I feel guilty.  Why?  These are adults perfectly capable of fending for themselves.  Why is it always my problem to feed them?

5-21-06:

First of all, thank you Jesus that somebody wants to see my mss.  I mean how long have I been jokingly/seriously saying I couldn’t understand why no on else could see my brilliance?  Even if MJ is a no-go, at least there’s a glimmer of hope.  I should look for the Indianapolis RWA chapter and contact someone there.  They must know her.  Probably putting the cart ahead of the horse.  And also call RWA and see if she has any complaints against here.  Thank you also Jesus for such a great job and 3 days off!  Yay.  Sorry to see T go but I trust you’ll put someone else great in our store.  Please watch over and guide D.  Give her some faith.  She seems a bit lost.  Thank you for M’s faith, though.  Watch over him and guide him.  And while you’re handing out faith, send some B’s way.  In my book it said to write down what you hear during the day.  Well, right now, the hum of the fridge, the scratch of the pen, B’s footsteps and sigh, the garbage bin opening, the TV.  At work it’s the beeping of the timers.  The beep of the safe.  The hissing of the steam wand and the grinding whirr of the blenders.  The grrr of the coffee grinder.  The fssst of whip cream when it’s almost empty.  Voices, laughter, music.  Water running.  Ice hitting the bin or a cup.  The splat of syrup in a cup or a blender.  The baby beep of the money counter scale.  Cell phones ringing.  The clink of change, the crisp unraveling of paper money.  Outside…the barking of dogs, the chatter of squirrels and birds singing.  Traffic, tires, wind rush of a vehicle, sirens.  I can’t believe I poured hot water on my hand and I burned my feet last night in a hot tub.  My mind’s like sieve.

5-28-06:

Dear God, what if?  I could get some money for a book and use it to help K!

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